Why can’t mother in law treat her daughter in law like own daughter ?
Firstly, not all mothers can be good mothers and not everyone is suitable to ba a mother, so not all women treat their own daughters well.
Secondly, it is likely those who are not suitable to be a mother be kind to daughters in law.
- They can be just irritable and short-tampered.
- They can bent their anger on children and daughters in law because of their failures.
- Mothers in law are often jealous and want to be the most important women in son’s life and view them as a rivals, as a threats to their influence on sons.
- Mothers in law can envy that DILs are more beautiful or younger or more successful than them and their daughters, that DILs gained opportunities and things MILs did not have.
- Mothers in law can have different and opposite opinions and views on family duties, relationship, money and saving, housework, raising children, and can be just incompatible. Not everyone can be patient living with a person and dealing with people who have very different opinions, it is emotionally draining and distressful. People can often think the opinions are proves of selfishness or harmful to family or lack common sense, sympathy. As a result, not everyone can find compromising solutions, anger comes inside and there are arguments and dramas.
- Some people , including mothers in law are not emotionally stable and even mentally unstable.
- Some MIls think DILs from poorer families married out of convenience to have gifts form husbands from richer families.
- Other MILs from poorer families are jealous and think DILs look down on them.
- Some MILs did have some faud or rivalry with DIL’s relatives so suspect DILs can be the same.
- Some MILs did not have good relationship with spouse so are jealous when DILs gain loving and kind husbands.
- Many MILs do not directly and honestly confess they are jealous but badmouth, blame, gossip or try to provoke their sons against DILs.
- Many MILs were also mistreated by DILs when they were young so repeat such behavior.
- As I see from your name, you are Indian, are not you? I know there is popular custom of giving dowry in India, so some greedy gold diggers want money, jewelries, new saries and salwars, cars and luxurious things. Some Indian MILs forgot how they and their fathers suffered while gathering money for dowry and continue such selfish behavior.
What is your exact case? Does your MIL mistreat you? What does she say and what does she do?
Ask what is a good person who deserves respect by her standards. Ask if she was happy while she was married, how did her own MIL treat her. Remind if her own MIL mistreated her she also suffered.
If she is really very cruel like beating, threatening to hit, slap, stab, snatch away food, tries to forces into housework while you are sick or drained after work, tries to persuade her son to hit you or to get rid of you, if she really thinks life would be better without you and you are bad for her son, think if you need this marriage in the first place. What does your spouse react? Does she try to find compromising solutions that satisfy both his mother and you or ignores or even blames you? If the husband blames you or just neglects, really think to separate and leave them. Start packing necessary things like money, phone, hygiene, warm clothes and leave. If your parents will not accept you back, leave to NGO for women, they give you shelter to live and safety, there are plenty of them in Indian cities. If your MIL is physically cruel, file 498 A or domestic violence case.